The (Un)Trustworthiness of Men


I know…touchy subject. Nevertheless, there are some moments in every woman’s life when she needs to make herself strong, take a deep breath and acknowledge some inevitable, mind-blowing facts of the world she is living in that can be avoided no more. The inexistance of Santa Claus, the fact that wearing head-to-toe pink clothes is not a socially-acceptable behavior, the sales periods at Harvey-Nichols and…the fact that men are simply not to be blindly trusted.

Okay, maybe I’m generalizing and maybe not all men are untrustworthy individuals. However, judging from my personal experience and the one of people surrounding me, I can say that the rule has very few exceptions. You see, like many women, I’m the kind of person who offers trust unconditionally. As stupidly naive as it may seem for the world we live in, it’s just a thing you are born with. Some of us truly presume that all people have good intentions in their core, that everyone has a good side, that all people are to be treated nicely and so on.

When it comes to men, this becomes an even thornier aspect, as women will inevitably assume the object of their affection is the most spotless and honest human being that has ever honored the earth by stepping foot on it. And let’s face it…who could live up to such an expectation? I tell you, no one.

Nevertheless, the one thing that I found particularly striking about men is their serene utter selfishness. For a man, selfishness is an asset that is to be sported proudly and, if possible, should be the one element around which one builds his entire personality from A to Z. It is all about him. Always about him. As if the entire world would shift around him (or, to be really blunt, around a precise organ of his body that he considers the adequate answer to anything and everything), around his busy working schedule, insuficiently fulfilling job, underrated merits, childhood traumas, sexual or mental frustrations or, generally speaking, around the fact that nobody ever seems to fully grasp the complexity of his self and, consequently, he ends up as the eternal misunderstood. Absolutely touching.

Why am I talking about this? Because I was engaged in a conversation today regarding the recently released Sex and the City Movie and I was commenting with some friends the fact that Big shouldn’t have been forgiven for what he put Carrie through. If you haven’t seen the movie yet, this will be a spoiler so don’t read it. The fact of the matter is…from the very beginning of their relationship, Big has permanently submitted Carrie to the tedious „You’re the one, hm…no, you’re not the one” game and, when he finally made up his mind, 2 marriages and 60 episodes later, he wasn’t man enough to show up at his own wedding.

Why? Just watch the movie. Because HE is at his third marriage and the wedding is too big (regardless that it’s Carrie’s first, hey…that’s not about him!), because HE will look stupid in the page six of the newspaper, under the wedding announcements section, because HE cannot go through with it, because HE is afraid of blowing it again. And so on. At no point in his discourse to himself does the insignificant matter of Carrie’s feelings, public humiliation and broken heart appear. Well hey, that’s not about him either.

Yes, it’s a movie. However, it perfectly mirrors things that happen in real life. I’ve encountered more than a dozen specimens with the same „It’s all about me” attitude and frankly, now that I think about it, every man I’ve ever known in any circumstance in my life was endorsing this attitude one way or the other. And you know what? I am simply not buying it anymore.

No, I don’t hate men and yes, more than ever I aspire to finding „the one” sometime soon. However, I have learned to approach this matter in a much more mature and no-bullshit way, by simply being utterly clear-cut and decisive when it comes to men. No, boys. There will be no more tacit understanding of the headache, fever, diziness, depression or any other reason that may have prevented you from calling when you said you will. You said you’ll call, you didn’t. Tough luck. Have a nice life though. I caught you red-handed with something. Hm…it’s so sweet that you’re sorry and that you deeply regret it. Send me a postcard from wherever you’re going to end up.

I truly think women forgive too easily. We somehow have this engrained or maybe socially-acquired belief that if this „Prince Charming” walks out the door, there won’t be any other to follow or at least not a better one. Says who? In life, it’s all about believing and it’s all about believing that you deserve something good for yourself. From this viewpoint, we should definitely learn more from men regarding selfishness and cease this unfortunate custom of offering our hearts on a silver platter. We should be more firm about what is acceptable and what is not acceptable in a relationship. And never ever, ladies, are we to accept a lack of respect in any type of human relationship. Be it with a sibling, friend, husband or boss. If respect is gone, what else is there?

I loved the movie and I said that. However, Carrie’s reconcilliation with Big left a bitter taste in my mouth. It’s not a good lesson for women to learn, that everything is okay as long as you love him and he’s sorry, even though he put you through living hell. There are things in life that you may forgive but not completely forget, because they were too earth-shattering. A man’s betrayal is one of them and it’s something you don’t just turn a blind eye on. We don’t just pretend it never happened. Ignorance is bliss, but if we’re really true to ourselves we should know better than that.

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  1. Brandy
    Postat iunie 9, 2008 la 5:01 pm | Permalink

    Dude, totally agree with you on the SATC movie and the whole fiasco around Carrie. I’ve never once liked Big, nor their relationship. My sister and I used to watch the show and talk about how Big treats Carrie like shit and she always takes him back, acting like the typical girl. At least we can be happy in that Samantha tried giving California a shot, it didn’t work in the end and she left because she thinks about number 1 first – herself. :) I’m happy about that at least…

    As for Prince Charming – I don’t think he exists.

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